a land before sidewalks. . .

So, the weather (at least in Cleveland) has been hot and dry lately. Which means that indubitably it must rain sometime soon, and it must rain hard. Inevitably the rain will come, which of course, will bring the worms. Do you know what I mean? Those long worms that cover the sidewalk during every hard rain. Where do they come from? It's dry and the sidewalk is empty. It's wet and they seemingly sprout out of the cracks from the sidewalk. Then there's always those weird little kids who think its funny to step on the end of one. Or, even better, cut it in half and pretend like you made two happy worms instead of just one ugly long one. Anyway, the question isnt "Do you know what I mean?" or even "Where do they come from?" the better question is instead, where were they before the advent of paved sidewalks?

Let's jump back in time a bit. So you're a cave man in southern France. You like to club things, including friends, but whatever. It starts to rain so you head inside the cave. Are you safe in the cave? Will thousands of earthworms invade your peaceful abode at every Spring shower? Do they hang out on top of the rocky outcrop you call a cave/home? Do the worms have little clans and hang out on rocks when it rains? There certainly isn't enough rocks in the world to hold all the worms on the sidewalks. It's a simple matter of surface area and rocks can't compete. They must have had bouncers on the rocks. Only certain worms on the list are allowed, and they make the loser worms find another rock to sit on during hard storms. Is this what happened? What happens to the loser worms? Are they like the loser people at clubs who can't get in? The worms learned all the cool slang but could never use it at appropriate times. Did worms invent rock carpet glamour before Hollywood did?

Let's jump forward in time. What the hell are these worms thinking? Why is it fun to sit in the cold rain? They're definitely not singing in the rain. They're not even playing. They're getting stepped on in the rain. That's not appealing. Do they drown if they stay in the grass? They quite literally are stuck between a rock and a hard place. Furthermore, the worms are the worst dodgers in the world. After you're like 10, stepping in worms becomes gross. Humans try to avoid stepping on the gooey strips but they inevitably slither under falling shoes. It's like they're trying to die. Do earthworms in rain feel the same feelings that lemmings do? Is this a cry for help? They're trying to get our attention, but we're too preoccupied with ourselves. They just want someone to say "NO!" Stop going on the sidewalk! But no one does tell them to stop. And so we will face the same genocide everytime it rains. Maybe rain is God's way of limiting the number of earthworms. Can there be enough earthworms in the to somehow qualify as a plague? I figure that if you pissed enough earthworms off that their wrath would be something fearful. There's a saying I know, "hell hath no fury like a worm's scorn." And if it's not a saying, it probably should be.